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Scene 4: Biology

[Lights up low on Lou and Bubba stoned, lying on lawn chairs. They are passing the joint between one another.]

LOU Self-sustaining.


LOU But not immortal.


LOU Mortal then.


LOU Death, decay, and all that.

BUBBA Bummer.

LOU An end to life. [thinking to self] But we'll run out of Chicken/Eggs pretty fast if they die so we'll make a lot of them. No, that doesn't work. They'll have to make more of their own kind. Reproduction: I like that idea. We'll need something that can grow, and make copies of itself. Like a ...uhm.. information storage device of some sort. That works like a key in a lock. Then either the lock could make a key or a key could make a lock. But what do we have that'll do that?

BUBBA Deoxyribonucleic Acid?

LOU [blinks, looks a Bubba] Yeah, DeoxyribonucleicAcid. So the self-replicating part stores information on how to build the living organism. That way they can grow and learn and become more intelligent and more powerful. I like it.

BUBBA The Chicken is strong and intelligent?

LOU Yeah. Big and strong and intelligent. Ruler of his land. And green. How can we force them to be green?

[Bubba begins to say something but obviously comes up blank.]

LOU Well, the Chicken will need a power source to give it energy. Right. So Chickens will consume energy-gathering devices that are green and the Chickens must therefore be green themselves.... Now, what do we have in the way of energy sources just lying about?

BUBBA Wow, Lou, look at the lights.

LOU That's it, the stars. They give off energy that a collector can store for the Chicken. So now all we need is something that sits around all day collecting energy for the Chicken to come by and eat. Something that can change light energy to chemical energy. Something like....

BUBBA Ravioli.

LOU [looks, pauses a long time] No. No. Chlorophyll. And chlorophyll is green, right? It has to be green, no other color will do. I'll have to talk to Neil. We have to make sure that chlorophyll must be green in order for, for [finding a plausible answer] the chemical reactions to work right. Fifi will believe that. We'll cover most of the planet with these plants that are just full of chlorophyll. We'll just make sure that Neil agrees that Chlorophyll must be green. [Bubba falls asleep. Lou moves to edge stage right to find Neil] Neil, Neil.

[Enter Neil. Neil and Lou meet.]

NEIL I've been looking for you, Lou. I need more of that acid to put in Al's coffee, he's been drinking a lot of coffee lately and I used all that you gave me.

LOU Sure, Neil. Anything to help you avenge yourself for all those things Al's done to you. Oh, and Neil, I've designed a biological reaction that needs to absorb light to make energy for the life. It's called chlorophyll and it needs to be green in color for the reactions to work right, doesn't it?

NEIL Green's a good color. Like this green that I've just made?

LOU Yeah, Neil, that's beautiful. Chlorophyll needs to be that color. Say, can I keep this sample so that I know what color the chlorophyll has to be?

NEIL Sure, it's the last that I've made, but I can always make more. [exits]

LOU Thanks Neil. [to audience] Chlorophyll will be green. [to Bubba] And that ought to keep Fifi busy all day.

[pause. Bubba awakens]

BUBBA So how does the Chicken eat the plants?

LOU [more sure of himself] Chickens should have a servant to care for them and protect them, to see that they are well fed. To gather the plants together and to allow them to multiply. And that protector should be...should be...


LOU Yeah, I like that, Man.