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A Chicken Shrieks

[Damsel and Villain are in a room of the hotel]

Villain [Setting Damsel down on the bed] There. Are you comfortable now?

Damsel Aieeee!

Villain Ow! Please try to be a little quieter. There's gotta be some people around here who want to sleep.

Damsel Untie me!

Villain Untie you? I can't.

Damsel Aieeee!

Villain Look here. It's not that I don't want to untie you. It's just that I tied you up in the first place. If I un-tied you, that'd be sorta silly and wouldn't make any sense.

Damsel Aieeee!

Villain Please. Please understand. I don't mean you any harm. I have to tie you up. It's part of my character. We have to stick to our characters. Otherwise, things will get pretty messed up. Look. I'm the villain. You're the damsel. I understand you don't like being tied up, but consider where I'm coming from. It's the villain's job. I don't like to do it. It doesn't give me pleasure to see you hurt, but it's in the script. That's what a villain does. I catch a damsel. Tie her up. The hero comes. He defeats me. He unties you. Usually, I end up thrown off a cliff, locked in jail, shot 15 times until I fall off the building, or stabbed through the heart. I hate that. Especially the sword stabbing. It hurts. So, can't you please try and understand that in the grand scheme of things, you didn't get that bad a part. In the end, you'll be free and I'll probably be dead.

Damsel Aieeee!

Villain Please. Stop the screaming. It hurts.

Damsel Aieeee! Aieeee! Aieeee!

Villain I'm leaving. I'll go down to the lobby. Scream, if you need me.

Damsel Aieeee!

Villain On second thought, I'll just come back in a little while. Don't worry.

Damsel Aieeee!

[Villain runs out with his hands over his ears. Damsel breathes hard. She struggles a little bit to loosen her rope. Instead she falls over onto the bed.]

Damsel Aieeee! Aieeee! Aieeee!

[Maid appears at the door]

Maid [Knock, Knock] Excuse me, Mr. & Mrs. Villain. I know this may be the night after you tied the knot, but I was wondering if you could keep the noise down a bit.

Damsel Aieeee! Save me!

Maid What's going on in there?

Damsel Aieeee!

Maid [Gets her keys and unlocks the door] Excuse me, but I'm coming in. [enters] Oh. My dear, it seems you've fallen. Here, I'll help you. [helps her up]

Damsel Untie me!

Maid Untie you? Me? You want me to untie you? I just work here.

Damsel Aieeee!

Maid Uuuh. You see I do the laundry and manage the place. I've never untied anyone. I just work here. Mint?

DamselUntie me!

Maid Ohh my. This is a bit of a jam. I'll tell you what. I'll get Mr. Hero and he'll go and untie you. I heard he's pretty good at that. Is that okay?

[train whistle sounds]

Damsel Aieeee!

Maid I'll take that as a yes. [exits]

[Damsel takes a deep breath]