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A Writer (Of Sorts) is Born

[Loner and Villain are still on stage from the previous scene. Maid enters.]

Maid What's all the noise? There are guests trying to sleep!

Villain and Loner What guests?!

Maid Well, I'm sure there must be some other guests somewhere. I mean, it's a big hotel. They've probably just been staying in their rooms. [changing the subject] It's no use, you know. [begins nervously cleaning something with her feather duster]

Villain What's no use?

Loner Everything's no use! We're never going to get out of here! Where's my room!

Maid [Tosses him a mint, absentmindedly] Here's a mint. Check room 313. I don't think anyone's staying there.

[Loner exits]

Villain What's no use?

Maid Trying to wake him up. I don't think any of us can.

Villain Why not? He's just sleeping.

Maid Everybody who's come through here has tried. That young friend of Mr. Hero tried pleading with him, Mr. Hero went after his hand with a cigarette, and if your wife's screams haven't woken him, nothing will. Is it your honeymoon?

Villain My wife? Oh ah uhm yes. Honeymoon.

Maid Well, congratulations!

Villain Thank you. But what about him? What about all of us? What about the play?

Maid It's like I said before: the only way we are going to finish this play is if we finish it ourselves.

[Loner enters]

Loner There is no room 313!!!!!

Maid [sighs] Come with me. We'll find you a room.

Loner With towels? And a shower curtain?

Maid Of course. All of our rooms have towels and a shower curtain.

[Loner and Maid exit. Villain picks up the notepad and pencil, scratches his head, and begins to write. This is repeated several times.]

Villain It's no use. I just follow the scripts. I can't write them.

[Villain puts the notepad and pencil down and exits.]