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Crossing the Road

[Loner is on-stage with the notepad and pencil. He is writing. Maid enters.]

Maid Hello. What are you doing?

Loner I thought maybe if I started keeping a diary, I could make some sense out of all of this.

Maid Well, that sounds like a wonderful idea. Mint? [Hands him a mint]

[Sidekick enters. Loner continues to observe and write.]

Sidekick Excuse me. Have either of you seen the Hero?

Maid [to herself] A little more than I'd like.

Sidekick Huh?

Maid Oh. Sorry. No, I haven't seen him lately.

Sidekick Oh well. That's ok. He was supposed to meet me here. We were going to practice Saying Heroic Things At Just The Right Moment. I still need a little work on that.

Maid If you don't mind me asking, why do you always follow him around?

Sidekick He's the Hero. It's what I do. I follow him around and we have adventures, and save Damsels, and stop Villains from doing evil things. Well, mostly he saves Damsels and stops Villains. I sort of watch. But, I carry his stuff, and light his cigarettes, and make sure his shoes are nice and shiny. That's real important stuff.

Maid Doesn't sound like a lot of fun to me.

Sidekick Oh but that's just the half of it. See, he's teaching me how to be a Hero. Why, I've learned ... how to ... umm ... well, light cigarettes, and ... shine shoes ... and say heroic things at just the right ... Hey! There he is. I knew he wouldn't forget!

[Hero enters.]

Hero Ah. There you are.

Sidekick Yup. I've been practicing. Watch. "Step away from that Damsel, evil-doer."

Hero Not you. [to Maid] I've been looking all over for you, you know. Let's go up to the fourth floor.

Maid I don't know. I'm kind of busy here. I've got a lot of rooms to clean, beds to turn down.

Hero Look, babe. I think we both know what we want. So stop playing these little hard to get games, and let's go. You can turn down my bed.

Maid What? I think I hear the dryer buzzing! [Exits]

Hero She'll come crawling back.

Sidekick Of course she will! But, since she's gone, maybe we could work on some heroic sayings? "You're no match for the powers of good!"

Hero Whatever.

[A train whistle sounds]